I live in this little utopia I call my own. It’s not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but it gives me a predictable blanket on which to rest. So when little crises take place, it tends to throw my equilibrium off pretty hard. I don’t want this to sound harsh or worse selfish, but in a way, I suppose it is. Because for the last few months my “nerves” have been frayed to the end by one stressful moment after another.
I apologize for writing from a single point of reference, mainly myself. But to be honest what other point of reference do I have? I meditate, I seek calm and quiet, I do my best to live in the moment. Yet all of that is bombarded by the actions and reactions of the world around me. I have bills to pay, a house to keep in order, other individuals that literally depend on me. So sometimes it just crashes around me. Leading to restless nights and undo stress on an already weakened body.
So I’m laying here, 3:48 am displaying on my phone, and I’m tried. Tired of writing, tired of fighting paperwork, tired of waking up in the middle of the night. I write this not just as a confession of my own weakness, but as a note of understanding to those that feel the same way, tried and exhausted. I often wonder if the speed in which this world now works is just too much. Maybe that’s just my age and health talking, who knows? But it’s how I feel. So everyone take care and be mindful of what your mind and body are telling you.