There’s nothing really bothering me now other than the usual. The selfishness of humankind, the anger everyone seems to carry, and the outright disregard we all have for our planet. No other than that, I’m good. For the last few days it’s like my mind has been shut off to woes of the world. Focusing instead on my own little thing inside these four walls.
Our minds focus on negativity, it’s like life knows how to grab our attention. Deep within the very core of our minds lies a hidden little nugget. A nugget controls our fear response, our panic button. I know all about it because it is at the very core of my mental health issues. Suffering from Panic Disorder my little panic button has a way of getting stuck.
At first the attacks were multiple and quite devastating. Then heavy medication made them tolerable, but not without long lasting side effects. Now the medication is lighter, and with the help of mediation and forgiveness; the attacks have slowed to a low roar. Sometimes I have to remind myself I still have PD. Because there are moments when I have irrational fears. And if I don’t remind myself, I’ll worry, and I’ll panic all day.
Life has a way of pushing our buttons. So to do advertisers, news networks, and social media. The last few days I’ve really paid attention to how all these external forces vie for our attention. Lately I’ve spent my evenings under the shade of a pair of sycamore trees. I have no internet connection outside my house. So I’m left there with my thoughts and a solitaire game. Just watching the world pass, as the evening breeze moves the leaves and allows my mind to rest. It’s not much, but sometimes it’s all I need.