Like a restless fool, I pushed it a little hard today. Even though my body was giving me all the signs to slow it down. As usual I ignored all the symptoms and now, I’m paying the price. Oh, don’t worry it’s nothing too serious. It’s just when I push myself like this, it always ruins the rest of my day. That’s because as far as how I treat myself, I’d give me a “D-”, definitely below average.
But when you’ve been schooled your whole life that you are worthless. You end up believing those damning words of abuse. To the point that where you don’t even need anyone else around to abuse you. Often I get so miserable that I am just piss poor company to be around. I’m loud, verbally abusive, and simply turn into a rotten person. It’s not that I have the inside straight on shitty behavior, but I am honest enough to admit it when it’s here.
I guess at the moment, I’m on some plateau. Where I’m sorta tired of riding this rollercoaster of up and down emotions. Today should have been an enjoyable little outing. Instead, I went out totally unprepared physically, which in turn shot me to hell mentally. At the moment my body’s recovering from a very overactive digestive system. Which in turn brings on a total lack of hydration. That eventually drains my blood sugar, to the point that I over compensate to recover.
But don’t worry, it’s all on me. I’ve spent years working on this poor soul. But don’t worry, this wasn’t my first screw up, and it most certainly won’t be my last. For the moment, I’ll just lick my wounds. I won’t worry about this being a teaching moment or even a cautionary tale. I’ll just toss it up to over enthusiasm, under preparedness, and piss-poor timing.