The sun’s not up yet, but I can hear the log trucks firing up from down the street. Pretty soon CO's from the prison will be driving by, then the school buses will start carrying kids off to school. The headlights cast rays of light across our bedroom walls. Reminding me that another day is about to begin. I for one am already up. I’ve pulled my CPAP mask off for the night, already went to the bathroom, blew my stopped-up nose, popped a Tylenol, and placed the heating pad on my sore neck.
Lisa’s curled up in a ball quietly snoring next to me. Thirty-two years of my late-night shenanigans doesn’t seem to bother her anymore. So I ask, where is life taking you today? Are you off to work, or maybe a doctor’s appointment? Or maybe you’re just doing chores around the house? I carry no concrete plans for the day, and while that might seem romantic or wishful. To many it’s a death sentence not having any purpose or goal. I try and spend my hours working on what you are reading now. Part helpful, but mostly therapeutic; it allows me to express emotions and concerns that I long held deep inside.
Still it concerns me to see so many living without purpose. Just trudging through the day with no life, no real goals or happiness. For a while I had to give up what I thought was purpose. Mostly because it became my only reason for living. When in actuality, it wasn’t a reason at all. My goal for existing is to complete the whole (myself). To fix the broken parts of me and to tell my story. Listen we all wish we could make an impact on the world. But that will only happen when we first learn to take care of ourselves.