We cram so much into our lives in search of some “pie in the sky”. But from my experience all that ever got me was a mental breakdown, heart failure, and a whole lot of grey hair. So that’s it, I’m done. I’m years away from any retirement, but health issues have stopped me from most anything other than beekeeping I suppose. So maybe I do have some built-up prejudice against ambition and motivation. But believe me they were easy to come by.
I look at my past life and it’s hard to imagine I made it this far. I eat too much, smoked too much, worried too much, and run around like a decapitated chicken. When my mental health issues began 20 years ago. That put the brakes on some things, but only temporarily. The drugs I was fed got me functioning but at a great cost. Leaving vulnerable to other mental and physical issues.
For many years I was putting a Band-Aid on a gunshot wound. Thinking I was okay, but still repeating the same habits that got me where I am today. When I was finally forced to step back, I had to change or die. My recovery has been slow, I can’t do a lot of things that I once could do. So I’ve closed myself off, spending more time with nature than I do with people.
It’s an odd trade-off considering my past. I am of course very active on social media, that’s pretty much the best I can do. But you know it’s okay. Due to all my bad choices, I’ve learned to make better one’s. I chosen enlightenment over fame or fortune. Living healthier over living out of a bag. And being at peace with my surroundings instead of fighting against it every day. Life brings you misery and joy. But it’s balancing the two that brings contentment.