I am all but tired of scrapping up pennies. Yet I am in no condition to do the work required. So I contribute where I can, putting out words of love and patience. Yet it’s impossible to fill bellies on the kind words in reply. I understand the frustration of an impatient world that sees the few with more and the many with less. Yes there are the outliers that work hard for their piece of the pie. But what price do they pay to keep their standards that high?
I’m just disillusioned by it all, just another angry voice in the crowd. Fueled by anger and rage seeing my small piece of the dream fade away. So we look for excuses, anything but ourselves. For the mess we are in, the lies we believed, and dream that we are really free. So we cling to our guns and our God’s, but do they ever talk back? While nothing but bitterness and vile pours through our veins.
My heart often reminds me, anger is a bitter pill. That fear is a poison that kills the soul. Still I lay here in the dead of night losing sleep, while the world around me gently sleeps. I’m reminded of the words of Thich Nhat Hanh, “The only way to ease our fear and be truly happy is to acknowledge our fear and look deeply at its source. Instead of trying to escape from our fear, we can invite it up to our awareness and look at it clearly and deeply.” I am such a fool sometimes for the things I fear. I often have to laugh at myself for my folly. But fear, anger, and worry are all a part of us. But it is also a part of us to find balance and peace.