To ask who I am is a loaded question. But for many of us we have no time for such foolish things. Between trying to keep food on the table and pay the bills, we are doing a we can just to survive. That’s who we are. Yet here I am asking myself that question. Between doctor’s visits and the need to create words, that question comes up all the time. But there are times when I’d love to shut my mind off. But that ship sailed a very long time ago.
For the past few weeks my mind has taken me to some pretty dark places. Worlds within myself I haven’t visited for a long time. I can’t point to any one event that may have triggered it. All I know is it’s firmly planted in my mind. For the past few days I have alluding to this in my work. Its impact on my emotional state, and the seeds of doubt, pain, it’s planted in the forefront of my mind.
The thing is, I am ultimately the one that must deal with this. Going to places I most fear to tread, dealing with the twisted emotions that haunt my soul. Through mediation and compassionate listening, I am able to listen to the pain, thereby giving it a voice and letting it go. Self-love and self-forgiveness are the key. While many seek forgiveness from a power beyond themselves, true forgiveness and greater self-esteem doesn’t begin till you forgive yourself. The questions aren’t as important, as the compassion we give ourselves.