I’m feeling pretty good this morning after my late-night confessional. I was worried the day would get off on the wrong foot, considering how I felt around 2 am. My breath was heavy, my heart was palpitating, and I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. Knowing what was going on, I pulled out my phone and started “confessing my sins”. Funny though any number of years ago I would either put up with it till it pass or franticly let my mind race to some worst-case scenario.
Not that it’s much different now, because my anxiety and fear often find new ways of tormenting me. Kinda like a mouse finding new hole into your house after you’ve blocked the others. My defenses are awareness, compassion, and forgiveness. To sit there and blame yourself for the things that happen to you only leads to self-hatred. To continue to blame others only draws the poison for bitterness into your soul.
Listen I’m no guru or spiritual leader. I’m just a man who for the better part of my life has blamed myself and others for my pain. Hell, it may all be true. But to continue to walk around with those emotions in your heart only kills the soul. Appreciate the simple things, like the finch singing on my windowsill, or Shadow purring next to my leg as I type away. It’s these and other things that make life worth living. Not the trappings of frame or glory, or even the comfort of wealth and power. It’s the peace that comes from giving and living and sharing the truth you’ve come to know.