Waking up in the middle of the night seems to be one of the things I do quite well. So to is my ability to stress over situations I can’t control. These past few days have brought back a lot of old memories. Of times where staying up all night was a common thing, where worry and stress were just second nature. I guess I’ve gotten a little soft around the middle when it comes to managing my fears. Maybe it’s time to take a look under the hood and check some things out.
It’s funny how a certain degree of arrogance can creep into your mind. When things are going pretty well, and the world seems to be leaving you alone. But I still have such a “hair trigger” when it comes to my stressors. That despite whatever armor I’m wearing, eventually the stress at the moment will take me down. For me peace and calm can be so fleeting, still I tend to forget.
Much like a recovering addict, I have to take things one day at a time. But often when you have stretches of really good days, I tend to forget a bad day is only a step away. But that’s how it is with anxiety and depression, they come at you from all sides. To be honest I shield myself pretty well from the stresses of the day. Often hiding in my sanctuary against whatever’s out there. So I have to wonder, is protecting myself from the snares that can trap me a good thing. Or are they just another roadblock on my road to recovery.