As an old friend of mine used to tell me, “Well we gave it the old college try”. I woke up around 3:30am and lay here trying to go back to sleep till 5am. I didn’t wake up to any stress or panic, I just woke up from a sound sleep. This as you know, is nothing new for me. I suppose it could all stems from my old pick-up not starting yesterday. I know I shouldn’t really get too worked up about it, and I thought I wasn’t. But you don’t never know how your subconscious is going to do you sometimes.
I don’t really know how to continue this line of thought other than to say. Moments in our lives are going to break us. Oh we can say, “that’s okay, I'll get by”. But shit takes a toll. We can vent our frustrations through physical activity or healthy conversation. But for some it comes through with violence, verbal abuse, and self-destructive behavior. I’ve seen my share of all of these as a victim and perpetrator.
I suppose could lay here and put on a bright shiny face and say, “think good thoughts and this too shall pass”, but it’s never that simple. We take upon ourselves all kinds of expectations that we usually never live up to. I try my damnedest to live in the moment. But when two other people depend on you for food and shelter. Oftentimes that notion gets thrown out the window. All I can tell you is, do the best you can. Look for positive outlets for that frustration (exercise, communication, mediation, or writing). Fear, pain, and heartache will always be with us. Don’t beat yourself up for failing. Do what you can and move on. Aha! The first peek of morning is coming through my window. I guess it’s time to face the day.