A Certain Balance

With my back turned towards the sun, I’m sitting outside with a bottle of Gatorade next to me. Not thinking about much, having just finished up a visit at my PCP’s office. I had to catch her up on what all the specialists have been doing (even though it was her office that scheduled all the appointments in the first place). I also had to do some more blood work for her which I had already done twice last week. But they did give me a urine sample cup to deposit to them later (I threw it in the trash). So now I’m sitting here staring at a sycamore tree listening to my wife fuss at a cat. Reminding myself that the sun will still rise and fall with or without their help.

With the usual morning traffic passing by me, I wonder if they every give a second thought about me sitting under this fig bush. I highly doubt it answering my own question. A genuine response I’m sure we all would make on any given day. As a mindfulness practitioner one of the things I notice that often surprises me the most is watching people going about their day like they don’t have a thought in their head. You know, kinda like when you’re driving, but you can’t recall a single thing about the trip. It’s sorta sad in a way. But even in my mindfulness practice I find myself doing the same thing.

But then there are the moments of near perfect clarity where the whole thing just seems to come into focus. Where I understand what my purpose is and what I need to do to achieve it. I hope that’s now it is for a lot people, but realistically I know it’s  probably not. I still here under the partial shade given off by the branches with a tiny yellow jacket buzzing around my head. I could swat at it, but it ain’t bothering me so why should I bother it. We all must maintain a certain balance giving ourselves a moment of peace even when things just seem upside down.