After a rather rainy and noisy yesterday, we have our usual white puffy clouds and sunny humid skies today. After a fairly busy Friday and frustrating Saturday, Hopefully I’ll be allowed to stay my ass home to recuperate. Right now it’s not too bad outside it’s 85°f with a feel like temperature of 98°f. There’s a little breeze and pity of gnats and birds over head. A couple of weeks ago my cardiologist had my wear a portable heart monitor for a few days. At my 6 month checkup, I mentioned a little shortness of breath and some A Fib issues at night. So out of an abundance of caution hr asked the I wear one
Never wanting to disappoint the man that basically saved my life I agreed. Anyway I worn it the prescribed three days and sent it back. While I was there to first pick it up, they done my annual echocardiogram. Well his NP called me up late Friday afternoon. Stating the tests results were in early and they moved my follow up to this coming week, instead of the end of the month. She also noted if I have anymore shortness of breath issues to head to the ER. Well that was certainly an ominous note to receive before an appointment without any further details. Being diagnosed with health anxiety over 20+ years ago. It’s needless for me to say, my anxiety is jack up a 1000%.
So despite the fireworks and crowds outside and the fireworks going on in my head. I’m doing my damnest to stay calm. I’ve been putting myself to sleep listening to the teachings of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh and Buddhist teacher Tara Brach. Reminding myself not to bury the fear, but to give it a voice. To compassionately listen and embrace the fear. I’ve learned the hard way that by not acknowledging the fear. You only let it fester in your soul and grow worse. Believe me I know the results of doing that. So as I sit here and do my best to breathe in the early afternoon sun. I’m reminded that nature takes care of its own. That as a part of nature I should look to it’s example and except my fate and continue to do better.
Never wanting to disappoint the man that basically saved my life I agreed. Anyway I worn it the prescribed three days and sent it back. While I was there to first pick it up, they done my annual echocardiogram. Well his NP called me up late Friday afternoon. Stating the tests results were in early and they moved my follow up to this coming week, instead of the end of the month. She also noted if I have anymore shortness of breath issues to head to the ER. Well that was certainly an ominous note to receive before an appointment without any further details. Being diagnosed with health anxiety over 20+ years ago. It’s needless for me to say, my anxiety is jack up a 1000%.
So despite the fireworks and crowds outside and the fireworks going on in my head. I’m doing my damnest to stay calm. I’ve been putting myself to sleep listening to the teachings of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh and Buddhist teacher Tara Brach. Reminding myself not to bury the fear, but to give it a voice. To compassionately listen and embrace the fear. I’ve learned the hard way that by not acknowledging the fear. You only let it fester in your soul and grow worse. Believe me I know the results of doing that. So as I sit here and do my best to breathe in the early afternoon sun. I’m reminded that nature takes care of its own. That as a part of nature I should look to it’s example and except my fate and continue to do better.
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