Awakened

He is often awakened by apprehension and fear. Fear that even his chemically induced survival skills can’t quench. Waiting for answers that never come soon enough, causing his fight or flight responses to never let go. A dreamer by trade, he wonders the hallways of his own imprisoned mind. Searching for answers in the dust covered volumes, that most are too afraid to read much less open. Yet he travels this road like a seasoned tourist. Practically a native in this foreign land of emotions.

He was a sensitive child, far too mature for his age. Raised in a sheltered life down a dead end road where few ventured. He had all kinds of problems stacked against him. He was asthmatic with breathing issues, he was overweight, poor at sports, with a mind given to flights of fancy. Physically and verbally abused at home and school by the bullies and the mentally ill. He survived by crawling into his own world of denial and self-deprecation. A ploy that worked for decades till tension and fear pulled the rug out from under him.  

Sitting in a virtual padded room, he spent hours, days, months, years trying to learn to function again. The only thing doctors could do was prescribe medication that erased all his passion and emotion. While he could function once again, it came at a cost. Then through his own research and experimentation he discovered the best Philosophy practice for his given situation. That and with the help of a semi-retired psychiatrist with the compassion, patience, and knowledge to get him on the right medication. That’s been over 10 years ago, and while life is far from perfect. Both the medication and cognitive training continue to help him to survive.

Still there are those days when the treatment and training are not enough. And that’s when he’s left with sleepless anxiety filled days and nights. When it comes to you mental health there is no one-size-fits-all  strategy. It’s usually a long drawn out process that takes a lifetime to overcome. I don’t tell you this to discourage you, but to let you know that no matter what, there is help out there. Don’t allow yourself to suffer…allow yourself to survive.