Believe Me I Know

F​rom this side of the world there is organization, order, and neatness. From the other side of the lens there is planning, optics, and intent. What is it that you what to say? For a very long time I was a poet and fictional story writer. But over the decades those emotions and drive were taken away through a series of mental health issues and prescribed medications. Through most of the 2000’s I was imprisoned in a world of panic attack, anxiety, and depression. There were days when I couldn’t leave the house, couldn’t tend to my duties as a head of household.

My kids suffered the most being denied the most basic of childhood needs. With a mother with disabilities and a father with such extreme mental health issues. Today they don’t speak about these issues often, but I can’t help but feel a tremendous amount of guilt for putting them through that. Still they have become successful and productive members of society with children of their own. But now I face a whole new set of challenges, mostly to do with my physical health. While I do what my doctors tell me, the signs are there, a continuing decline on my overall physical health.

But our kids have stepped up physically and financially they have stepped up to help me. their mother, and their special needs brother. We now live in a much nicer apartment complex in a different city, and many of the burdensome bills we once had are now paid off thanks to our children. I write this not so much as a thank you note to my family, but more as a note to never underestimate yourself. Despite whatever glaring flaws you may have, if you put in the effort to try, you will repeat the rewards. Love is the strongest emotion, if you put in the effort to survive, those around you will notice. Believe me I know.