Best One I Got

FD Thornton

It’s my favorite time of the year, it’s pollen season! I went to fill up the Kia at the gas station this morning. Then I stopped at the $1.25 Store (because I’m cheap) for a few things. I thought about going out to the park, but I noticed I was getting a little lightheaded, so instead I headed back home. Sitting here at the desktop I took a moment to send a rather vulgar text to a friend, then I helped my son hang up some curtains. It may not sound like much of a life, but at the moment it’s the best one I got.

For the last 26 years I have been working through my mental health issues. Then for the past 10 years physical health issues as well. Even now with a sinus headache, I appreciate the aggravation far more than those moments I spent laying in my bed in the fetal position. Much bigger than just a little blip on the radar of my life. Chronic Depression, Panic Disorder,  Agoraphobia, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder; ruled my world. Add to that obesity, chain smoking, diabetes, and chronic heart failure; and it’s a wonder I’m still alive. The difference between me and my late younger parents is, I didn’t spend the past 26 years ignoring my symptoms. Instead I took a proactive approach to do better.

Through medication, therapy, and a whole lot of mindfulness meditation; I’ve made it through these past decades more aware and more compassionate. Now, I ain’t going to sprinkle fairy dust over your head and say it’s been easy. Hell, I’ve fallen off the wagon more times than I can count. What I’m trying to say is more than anything else, is that I’ve taught myself to be compassionate and empathetic towards everyone, especially myself. Once I learned to forgive myself, I began to find the peace and contentment I so desperately wanted. Listen, life ain’t all about “Taste the Rainbow” or “My Little Ponies”. It’s about survival, growth, and living your truth. We all want to be happy; we all want to be content. So fight for yourself and the rest will come.