Big Dreams

FD Thornton

When I was young I was a big dreamer, I just knew in my heart I was going to be something special. I remember how I enjoying drawing cars and buildings all over my notebooks. I eventually studied drafting while I was in high school and for a while that was my dream. But with the economy the way it was in the early ‘80’s, instead of taking a job as a draftsman at a local survey company, I took an apprenticeship at a print shop. The money and the people I worked with were good. But I was unceremoniously let go in the middle of the night. After the investment I made with that job and the way I was let go. I lost a piece of myself, that part of me that was a dreamer.

So I went from job to job floating through my younger years working at any number of places. I soon became a husband twice and then a father multiple times. Still I failed at a number of business ventures I tried. With each iteration of my life I was sure this was doing the right thing and doing the best for my family. You see, with each new challenge I grew more and more dissatisfied with where my life was heading. But I kept trying for the sake of my family.

But while pursuing yet another dream, I eventually found myself laying on an ambulance gurney. Being attended to by paramedics, nurses, lab techs, and even a doctor or two. It seemed that all the worry and disillusionment had finally taken its toll. Facing an inevitable truth I decided to just let go of the ambition and fear that made up my life. In losing that fear, I found something else. I found that flicker of a dream I thought I'd buried. The one where I loved to create. The one where I wanted to build worlds, not just survive in them. That gurney wasn't an ending; it was the start of a new life. One where I write, and I create. A world build with words instead of bricks. A World where I finally feel like I matter.