Don't Back Down

Just a reminder, I write books.

Right now I’m chewing my morning dessert, the two fruity gummy vitamins I save for last when I take my medication. I got up earlier after a shitty night of tossing and turning while dreaming about getting shot in a gunfight. Don’t ask. But by the time I woke up and jumped into the shower, I was feeling dizzy, but still pretty good. For a 63 year old heart patient with an implanted defibrillator and a history of mental illness. Yet I felt pretty good under the hot shower water.
 
Now I’m sitting here in the total silence of my office. Facing the music head on that I am a lucky man to still be here. But that’s mostly because of my innate fear of death and my responsibility towards my family. I think my two oldest sorta get it now, about the responsibility towards family. Since they both now have kids. But about the innate fear of death, well I don’t feel that one so much. After the first widow maker, that fear seems to have abandoned me. Not so much a spiritual revelation, but a moment where I faced death and felt fine about it.
 
Maybe my Evangelical Family would like to call it a come to Jesus moment, but I don’t see it like that. I think of it more as facing the fear head on and taking ownership of it. Know what I mean? Now I’m not much of a gambler, I really don’t like taking risk. But when faced with a life or death situation, I don’t run. And I guess in a way that’s what this whole conversation is about, not running. Own up to your faults and try to do better. Stop living on the fairy tale dreams of affirmations and put “Feet to those prayers”, as an old Preacher once said. Stop living your life hidden behind a wall of Bullshit. Face your fears and don’t back down.  
 
#Backbone #FaceTheFear #LoveYourself #DontBacKDown