Down My Fingers

It has been nearly 24 hours since my surgery so I’m still a bit foggy. But my throat feels much better now, but my waist is very sore and the muscles in the back of  my arm are twitchy. I am finally got the feeling back in my thumb and fore finger, but the tip of my forefinger is quite sore for some reason. This is the first time I remember vividly most of the procedure. I wasn’t in any pain, and I was pretty high from the medication, so my sense of time was a given. But I do remember the sensation of the wire/tube going up my arm and the feeling of a liquid trickling down my fingers.

I don’t mean to be so vivid, but this is my way of processing the entire event. Unlike most I no longer bury my pain or fears in a pit somewhere in my soul. Because I’ve learned that eventually all that poison seeps into your soul and contaminates your mind. But the good news about the whole procedure is I didn’t need a new stent but at the same time my doctor did mention my heart muscles were continuing to deteriorate. But he did inject a bit of optimism by saying he’ll adjust some of my medication to see what he can do. I admire my cardiologist while he’s a bit “eccentric”, he has a genuine concern for his patients and his craft.

So my attitude today is one of optimism and a bit of disappointment. But I’d rather know the truth instead of hiding under the covers fearing the “what if’s”. I did that for too long and you can obviously see where that got me. So I will take this and every other experience in my life and turn it into a learning moment. To hopefully better my situation pushing away at the bitterness that so easily creeps in and destroys your peace. While there are still many things in my life that have gone unanswered. I’ve decided to choose a path of peace believing that with a little faith and trust everything will be alright.