Easy To Come By

Sandra Saxon Burnsed

We cram so much into our lives in search of some “pie in the sky”. But from my experience all that ever got me was a mental breakdown, heart failure, and a whole lot of grey hair. So that’s it, I’m done. I’m years away from any retirement, but health issues have stopped me from most anything other than beekeeping I suppose. So maybe I do have some built-up prejudice against ambition and motivation. But believe me they were easy to come by.

I look at my past life and it’s hard to imagine I made it this far. I eat too much, smoked too much, worried too much, and run around like a decapitated chicken. When my mental health issues began 20 years ago. That put the brakes on some things, but only temporarily. The drugs I was fed got me functioning but at a great cost. Leaving vulnerable to other mental and physical issues. 

For many years I was putting a Band-Aid on a gunshot wound. Thinking I was okay, but still repeating the same habits that got me where I am today. When I was finally forced to step back, I had to change or die. My recovery has been slow, I can’t do a lot of things that I once could do. So I’ve closed myself off, spending more time with nature than I do with people.
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It’s an odd trade-off considering my past. I am of course very active on social media, that’s pretty much the best I can do. But you know it’s okay. Due to all my bad choices, I’ve learned to make better one’s. I chosen enlightenment over fame or fortune. Living healthier over living out of a bag. And being at peace with my surroundings instead of fighting against it every day. Life brings you misery and joy. But it’s balancing the two that brings contentment.