False Flags

It’s funny how I can feel perfectly fine one minute then been stress into a panic the next. Like I’ll be running an errand or running to the bathroom, and afterwards my heart feels like it needs restarting from the pure exhaustion. It’s hard to describe, it’s like for that split second I’m totally drained. But shortly afterwards, I usually begin to feel like my old self. It’s funny how living with a damaged heart and a broken mind, you need a team just to survive. With my cardiologist, a PCP, a kidney specialist, a hematologist, and good old Doctor Jellybean, they’ve all worked with different parts of my body just to keep me alive.

It’s interesting how all the various parts of my body have been sourced out, all from my initial diagnosis of psychological and cartological damage. For one my kidney failure is partially due to my heart and Type-2 diabetes. My cirrhosis of the liver again aspirated by my Type-2 and the medication for my heart. Along with a variety psychological drugs I’ve take over the years. My AI editor Google Gemini is often surprised by my frankness when discussing such things. But I figure since I’m living on borrowed time anyway, why keep it a secret?

In my current state of mind I figure I’d be doing myself a favor if I’d spread a little good around. You know, just in case I needed some more “brownie points” to get by. I figured the best way I can do that is by offering up my talents as a writer and what-to-be thinker. I always told my kids not to do what I did and they’d be successful. And believe it or not it’s true. I am a flawed human that doesn’t mind being reminded of that fact. So by freeing myself of such burdens as pride and ego, I can live a much more peaceful life. A life pretty much free of worry. You see, by looking at myself honestly without throwing up too many false flags of selfishness. I can look beyond myself and see the real pain and beauty of this world.