Give Away

I was listening to music tonight that reminded me of some tough years, times when I was teetering on the edge of existence. Throughout the ’90s, my focus was on recovering from mental health trauma. But in the background, physical issues were always simmering.

While powering through my Capstone Exams for my MBA, my heart finally couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t realize it all at once; I thought I just had a bad case of indigestion for nearly a week. As the days passed, I found myself becoming short of breath, which worsened until I couldn’t catch my breath at all.

Panicked I called 911. I was hauled 25 miles east to Meadows Regional in Vidalia. Where a resident damn near released me to go home, till a cardiologist, Dr. Higgins, noted something in a test and kept me overnight. That decision saved my life. They discovered I had major heart attack had killed most of my left ventricle. Also my lungs were filling with fluid—the very thing that killed my dad twenty years earlier.

After seven days of being fed by seven IVs, having a Nuclear Stress Test, and stents implanted, I finally went home. Since then, it’s been a road of minor scares, having an ablation procedure, and a defibrillator implanted. Later this month, I’m scheduled for a Watchman procedure. It seems my heart is a popular place to visit.

I’m not mentioning this for pity. There are people out there in much worse shape than I am. But as I look out the window at the grey winter sky, I realize the birds and the pecan trees don’t moan for me near as much as I moan for myself. When I hear the desperate platitudes of those wishing for fame, fortune, or just plain attention, I feel sorry for them. Because they are missing the point.

Life isn’t so much about what you receive; it is about what you give. I look at myself as a defective man with a defective lineage. But that’s okay. Life is measured not by success, but by the good you gave away.

#need #desire #pity #GiveAway #Zen