Sometimes I’m shocked being the age that I am now. I suppose more than anything it’s because I feel like I got so much more that I want to do. But when your doctors seem to enjoy painting gloomy pictures of your future. You can’t help but become a bit pessimistic about what your options will be. So I peck away at this tiny keyboard while I still can. Knowing good and damn well whatever efforts I’m trying to make will eventually disappear the minute my Microsoft 365 account goes unpaid. Still I type away like a mad man watching a rising tide everyone else refuses to see.
Wasting precious moments in council of strangers. I ignore my own comfort for the comfort those who don’t want to know. Because of some misplaced sense of duty to an unbelieved belief buried deep in my head. That when played back to me makes me regurgitate it’s ironic dogma. After a long search I seek solace in the “nekhamma”, a practice of pleasing the self, a practice that I’m still working to understand. How the truth of no attachment still brings such peace and clarity.
I guess that leaves me somewhere between forcing my will on the world or simply letting things go. But right now all that still seems like such an incomplete thought. I mean, why can’t I pursue my passions while pursuing the peace I so desperately seek? Maybe it all lies in the journey itself, leaving that ticking clock and the fear of it behind. So that my steps will lead me to more discoveries of happiness and contentment. All while embracing the pieces that make up the whole of me.
Wasting precious moments in council of strangers. I ignore my own comfort for the comfort those who don’t want to know. Because of some misplaced sense of duty to an unbelieved belief buried deep in my head. That when played back to me makes me regurgitate it’s ironic dogma. After a long search I seek solace in the “nekhamma”, a practice of pleasing the self, a practice that I’m still working to understand. How the truth of no attachment still brings such peace and clarity.
I guess that leaves me somewhere between forcing my will on the world or simply letting things go. But right now all that still seems like such an incomplete thought. I mean, why can’t I pursue my passions while pursuing the peace I so desperately seek? Maybe it all lies in the journey itself, leaving that ticking clock and the fear of it behind. So that my steps will lead me to more discoveries of happiness and contentment. All while embracing the pieces that make up the whole of me.
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