Honesty

Sandra Saxon Burnsed

Staring at a new morning, with summer bleeding through the double paned windows. The motion of time is unrelenting as the seasons blur one into another. My wife sits quietly at her easel working on yet another piece of art. Switching back and forth between “Live with Kelly and Mark” and “The Bubble Guppies”. The sound of both blare through the door and the wall that separate us. But there’s no point in arguing or trying to drown out each other. After raising four doorstep kids, I’ve gotten pretty good at drowning out noise.

The wind twist calmly outside the windowpanes, I made a conscience decision not to head to the park today. My energy level has been pretty low for the last few days. With my anxious side simply waiting on the news about my apparent lost rent check. I ran a trace on it nearly a week ago and I’m still waiting to see what has happened. I suppose it’s kinda silly worrying about things that I cannot control. But still the strain it puts on me physically is definitely a drain.

But isn’t it how it is with most everything in life? From living in a world just trying to survive. To hoping that somehow you’re making some small difference in others lives, when in fact you feel so all alone. Selflessness I guess is it’s own reward, that the key to recognition is to expect no glory. So I type away and worry about the things I cannot control. Trying not to be selfish about any likes or passing along honest wisdom. Praying that the demons running around in my head will get tried and finally let me be. While these words may not display any positive light at least they display an honesty I don’t often see in the words posted on the breakroom wall “Just Hang In There”.