Hot Mess

While the clothes are drying, off in the distance I can hear someone mowing their grass. I can also smell the wood from a smoker over where the fireworks will be shot tonight. Other venders and carnival games are being set up for today’s Fourth of July Celebration (in June). But I’m sitting here in my backyard with my back towards the sun. Filling my senses with all the activity going on around me.
 
For the past few days, I have not been at my best. The surgery my doctor recommended has left me exhausted, restless, and ready to return to my normal life. But the thing I have to remember is, is that my normal life was anything but. The dramatic weight loss and unstop digestive issues, have left me weak and lethargic. Add that to my ongoing heart and mental health issues, and it can be easily said I am a “hot mess”. 

While a poor gene pool might explain most of my medical issues. The simple fact I didn’t take care myself places a good bit of the blame squarely on my own shoulders. It would be so easy to just give up on myself or at the very least patch up what I see as wrong. But Band-Aids can’t fix bullet wounds. Either can “wishing” our problems away. It takes hard work and it takes making tough decisions to fix what’s wrong. 
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So at the moment, I’m laying here researching and creating plans. Plans that will hopefully keep me around a little longer. For life is not meant to be just lived. It’s meant to be lived wholly and fully. Many of you may be facing the same choices, so what are you going to do? Live a so-so life, that fades into the mist. Or live your life kicking and screaming until your last breath?