Into Temptation

A second cup of hot coffee touches my lips. The taste only reminds me of how much I miss smoking my pipe, on the front porch  in the cold breeze. Left now with only the smoke and aroma from the cup, I guess I’ll have to settle with what I have. But life changes and bad habits change, and hopefully the changes we make are for the better.
 
But it’s easy to question yourself when things are going too smoothly. The fact that I survived a few “widow makers”, lost 150 lbs., and quit a nearly lifelong habit of smoking should say something. But instead I find myself wishing for moments I know would kill me. Twisted logic would tell me, “Who gives a damn, enjoy your life till there ain’t no more.” And that attitude may be fine for most people, but I see myself through a different lens. I remember the pain and isolation and how overeating was compensating for a lack of love. How smoking became a crutch for fragile nerves and a broken heart.
 
Even deeper was the pain and the shame I put upon myself for all these faults. The deep seated self-hatred and my way of killing myself with a thousand tiny cuts. But for over the last 25 years, I’ve had small epiphanies. With each step forward and for each three steps back, I have learned to love the flawed man that I am. Not in a narcissistic way, but in the way you unconditionally love your child. Yes, they make mistakes, and you correct them. But you do it out of love and respect.
 
When you learn to finally do that for yourself, you see your whole life change. Not all at one time, but in the steps that you take every day. I am by no means the greatest example of overcoming anything, but I try. And that’s all you can ask of yourself…to try. So do you best, while I finish this cup of coffee and try not to fall into temptation. 
 
#Overcome #LoveYourself #ForgiveYourself #AHotCupOfCoffee