Kinda Hazy, Kinda Blue

This morning’s looking about right for a late January, kinda hazy, kinda blue, kinda gray. The air is as sharp as an ice cold knife as well. I’m bundled up as I should be, the bed is made, and the medicine has been taken. Looking at my files I have several stories ready to be varnished and touched up for publishing. But none of them are sitting on my screen. I guess I just don’t feel like having leftovers from the past few days, no matter how delicious they were to write.
 
So now that I’m a paragraph into this fresh screen, I’m still  just as clueless as I was when I started. Still I’m not willing to breathe in the same old smoke I exhaled yesterday. So as I stare out at the empty tree branches that line the opposing field. They sort of remind me of my mind at the moment. Listening to the notifications on my phone all telling me, this or that, is making me feel like a cornered rabbit that’s being hunted. So I cower in a corner trying to make myself as small as I can.
 
Some of you would say, that’s the coward’s way out, and frankly, I won’t disagree. But when, for the better part of your life, you were forced to cower. Then it becomes your only means of survival. So forgive me if I don’t sound so bold or proud. Or that I should just get over myself as my mind often tells me to do. But this is me, this is part of who I am. Between the billowing smoke and towering thunder, lies a small, frightened child. That never got too many hugs. But did get too many reprimands for being too weak and timid. So excuse me for my honesty and my willingness to tell the truth.
 
#Reflection #Honesty #Healing #Confession #Forgiveness