Lighting a Candle

Another day getting out of bed, another day going to the bathroom. Another day pulling back the curtains, another day making the bed. Another day taking my medicine. Another day lighting a candle. Routines are usually specific they follow a certain order. They kinda tell you everything’s going to be okay. Most of the time I follow the same routine. But then there are days when I don’t or better yet I can’t. My heart, my will as it were, are paralyzed by an overwhelming fear that covers my brain. While these emotions are nothing new, they’ve been officially part of my life since 1999. In reality they’ve been part of me from my earliest memories.

And as many of my family and close friends can attest, I hid it well. I still do in fact. No matter how much prayer, laying on of hands, or meditation it never really went away. Not until I became open, I mean really open about my struggles, that I found true relief. Along with the practice of acceptance and forgiveness for myself and others, I have been able to live a much more peaceful life. Hiding in the shadows of fear is no way to live. Neither is trying to sweep all that anxiety under the rug, because it eventually creates a big lump you’re going to trip over again and again.

So while routines are a good foundation for getting things done. At least for me, there are still days when things just don’t get done. But instead of focusing myself through those days with guilt and self-hate. I’ve learned to accept that I had deep seeded mental and physical health issues. So I do my best to survive day by day. Being as proactive as I can be to do the things I need to do. For myself and my family. While lighting a candle doesn’t seem to be specific to the overall story. For me it represents my reengagement with life, by turning darkness to life.