Little Incentive

St. Andrews Beach - Jekyll Island

It took me a while to gather myself this morning. I mean after an intense night of realistic dreams, it took me a minute to shake them off and begin my day. But now that I’m dressed, the bed is made, and the morning pills are taken, I can now wrap my mind around the meaning of the whole thing. For one it takes place in my hometown of Bloomingdale, outside of Savannah, Georgia in the present moment. It seems that everyone I knew friends, family, and frenemies all wanted me to come back home. They were offering me jobs and places to stay. Things that may have swayed me years ago, but offer me little incentive now.
 
But like I said it was a realistic fever dream, I literally had to break out of. Looking back at the evening I remember having a mild panic attack before that dream. And how I had to reposition myself to get comfortable again. I chose to turn off the podcast that was screaming in my ear, and put on some meditations by Tara Brach instead. I suppose that’s when the scenery changed and the fever dream began. But now it’s nine in the morning and the images of the dream fade a bit. Outside my window it lay eerily silent, while “Live with Kelly and Mark” is blaring through the walls.
 
I think this all has to do with my plans for the day surgery I’m having late next month. Where my heart is once again invaded and yet another implant is attached, to give me comfort in my remaining time. I often wonder though. Why I claim not to fear death, yet still allow procedure after procedure to be done in order to extend my life? What is it that I still need to be doing? What is more important than being “productive” and “efficient” for the society as a whole? What do you think?
 
#Questions #Answers #Zen #PeaceOfMind #CompassionateListening