Make Do

It’s hard to see the snow through the darkened window of my office. But when I turn the lights off it’s a wintery wonderland right outside the double paned glass. It didn’t start sticking until right about sunset so the only way to see it now is by streetlight. Tonight I was awakened by a yell from my wife, apparently a bad dream of something. After about a half hour of calming her down, she took a gummy and I’m sure she’s snoring away. I myself would usually scroll through my phone till my eye turned bloodshot. But this time I thought, “Why not make full use of my own office, just like the old days.” “When I’d wake up in the middle of the night and pen my ideas for work and school?”

I wish I had my old desk lamp and not this overhead ceiling light for inspiration, but you make do with what you got. So I sit here in the absolute silence like I am used to as to not wake up my bride. Typing away clever puns or writing scripts for workflow plans. Listening to the silence I draw that inspiration I so desperately seek. Seemingly from out of thin air like a magician at a carnival sideshow. But as the words drag on, the magic often fades, and the muscle memory kicks in, and the click of the keys slows down. In retirement and disability my options have faded, and a new generation takes over the decision making. Leaving me to tend to the few that remain and need my help.

 It's not the life of solitude or companionship that I dreamed. But it guarantees me a life of tending to the needs of those I love. So as I spin around staring through the darkened glass. I’m reminded of that bible verse about “…see through a glass, darkly”. Where the sum of my soul is reflected, but my fate is still unknown. So I quietly or not so quietly fade into the background were my little moments of genius shine through. Reminding me I am no faded light, but instead a shining individual as brilliantly lite as snow in the dark. Not dependent on likes or numbers from Patreon or Substack. But just living my freedom making do by sharing me.