Makes Sense

Third times the charm so they say, and for the third time today I’m lighting this candle on my desk. Lately it has turned out most of my afternoons work ends up becoming my morning project the next day. So with the sound of little feet above my head, I’m attempting to pile up a bunch of letters, that hopefully will become words, that eventually makes sense to you and me. Just before coming to the office I was watching a new video from Nine Inch Nails, that is the new single for the “Tron: Ares” movie soundtrack.

Different then the Tron Trailer video the images were vintage NIN with a similar sound I’ve heard on newer NIN cuts. Ghostly images of Trent Reznor being held by ghostly hands while singing, “As Alive As You Need Me To Be”. All giving off the vibe of his last two or three EPs. Still I find the song intriguing much like my obsession with the song and video for “Only”. Reminding me of a point in my life where I wasn’t so sure about myself. A point where I wasn’t so comfortable in my own skin. Because I thought I could make myself happy by trying to please others.

So I guess that brings me to the core of the whole thing. That after a lifetime of trying to make people love me by doing whatever pleased them. I’m now slowly learning that the only way to find true peace is by pleasing yourself. Through compassionate listening and gentle forgiveness, then sharing those traits with everyone else. Life for me is a complicated maze of moods, chemical imbalances, and self-absorbed doubt. In other words, its never been easy being me. But at my core I try to be true to myself by being as creative as I can. Lord knows, I was born differently never fitting squarely into any nice round hole. But that’s okay. Because the beginning of this next decade of my life may be my best.