Image By: Sandra Saxon Burnsed
Well it’s been about three or four days since my probing (heart catheterization) so now I’m able to get back on my normal medication schedule. It’s not that I can tell any real difference taking them and not taking them, but my daily vital signs (blood glucose, blood pressure) could definitely tell a difference. But now that we are back on the routine they should all trim out soon. I was listening to a TV reporter give a postage stamp size report on the current state of spirituality in America this morning. Of course they started with the standard faire of (Mysticism, Crystals, Self-Help), and then lumping all the standard religions together (Protestant, Catholic, Muslim) into one nice shiny box.
After seeing my life flash before my eyes on more than one occasion. I see a little good and a little bad in each one of these beliefs. But the thing that always sticks in my mind with each of these beliefs are, humans need to box things up to explain them. At an early point during my heart journey when my insides were filling up with fluid and I was basically drowning myself, I finally called 911. At the time I had such a fear of dying all I wanted to do was ignore the signs and wish them away. But when common sense finally hit me and I was taken to the hospital, I suddenly felt peace. Now it may have been the medications I was given, but honestly it was more than just that. It’s almost as if after tipping over the edge no longer able to breathe I found peace. I was literally no longer afraid to die.
Now that may sound like a very bold statement to make. But for years I fought off visions of death through many scenarios. Like driving down the street and seeing visions of the car across from me slamming into me head-on. These were the things my panic disorder would bring to my mind with or without medication. I lived with this secret from 1999 till 2015, with the onset of my first coronary episode. Now was this some spiritual epiphany? Who the hell knows. All I know is that it set me upon a journey to understanding that all things worldly are connected (humans, faith, seasons, the planet). And until we all come to that understanding, we are all eventually doomed to fear.
After seeing my life flash before my eyes on more than one occasion. I see a little good and a little bad in each one of these beliefs. But the thing that always sticks in my mind with each of these beliefs are, humans need to box things up to explain them. At an early point during my heart journey when my insides were filling up with fluid and I was basically drowning myself, I finally called 911. At the time I had such a fear of dying all I wanted to do was ignore the signs and wish them away. But when common sense finally hit me and I was taken to the hospital, I suddenly felt peace. Now it may have been the medications I was given, but honestly it was more than just that. It’s almost as if after tipping over the edge no longer able to breathe I found peace. I was literally no longer afraid to die.
Now that may sound like a very bold statement to make. But for years I fought off visions of death through many scenarios. Like driving down the street and seeing visions of the car across from me slamming into me head-on. These were the things my panic disorder would bring to my mind with or without medication. I lived with this secret from 1999 till 2015, with the onset of my first coronary episode. Now was this some spiritual epiphany? Who the hell knows. All I know is that it set me upon a journey to understanding that all things worldly are connected (humans, faith, seasons, the planet). And until we all come to that understanding, we are all eventually doomed to fear.
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