It’s another crappy December morning, the sunshine and icy cold temperatures of earlier this week, are now replaced with fog and misty rain. It’s been two days since Christmas, and it seems like the world hasn’t started back up again. But there’s no point in me waxing romantic about days gone past. When I was a kid color tv’s were a marvel of engineering along with answering machines and LED watches. Still I find myself being a little antsy waiting for the end of the year. Knowing that soon we will be moving on a new adventure in a new town.
The only sad thing about anticipating anything new is the inevitable disappointment I feel when the goal has been achieved. I remember in the early 2000’s when I finally completed my bachelor’s degree, and how I had overcome many mental health issues to achieve that goal. Still it felt as more of a letdown because I was no longer fighting. It’s a moment when I should have felt a lot of pride. But instead I felt so hollow like the whole journey just wasn’t worth the effort.
So I set for myself another goal, to work as a 10-99 contractor in the fledgling wireless industry. I also talked myself into continuing my education by pursuing an MBA. What I didn’t anticipate was having a series of nearly fatal heart issues, all for the pursuit of a dream that I was becoming more disillusioned with by the second. Still I received my MBA by the “skin of my teeth” and now I sit here with three college degrees all sitting in a box, a million miles away from everything I thought I wanted to do.
This year will be ten years since my first trip to the Pulmonary Care Unit, and the 26th anniversary since being diagnosed with a multitude of mental health issues. Not exactly crowning achievements, but achievements all the same. Today staring out into the foggy morning, I ask myself about this next move, “Is this really what I want to do?” But given this particular situation (moving) wasn’t something I choose but something that was forced upon me. I have little choice but to do it. But now I’m a little bit wiser and in a better state of mind. I’m choosing to take advantage of this opportunity and really better my situation. So remember to be grateful for dreams and the benefits they bring. Hold my head up with pride through each of your so-called disappointments. For you never know the blessing you’re going to receive. You may be able to see through the fog, but there’s always hope on the other side.
The only sad thing about anticipating anything new is the inevitable disappointment I feel when the goal has been achieved. I remember in the early 2000’s when I finally completed my bachelor’s degree, and how I had overcome many mental health issues to achieve that goal. Still it felt as more of a letdown because I was no longer fighting. It’s a moment when I should have felt a lot of pride. But instead I felt so hollow like the whole journey just wasn’t worth the effort.
So I set for myself another goal, to work as a 10-99 contractor in the fledgling wireless industry. I also talked myself into continuing my education by pursuing an MBA. What I didn’t anticipate was having a series of nearly fatal heart issues, all for the pursuit of a dream that I was becoming more disillusioned with by the second. Still I received my MBA by the “skin of my teeth” and now I sit here with three college degrees all sitting in a box, a million miles away from everything I thought I wanted to do.
This year will be ten years since my first trip to the Pulmonary Care Unit, and the 26th anniversary since being diagnosed with a multitude of mental health issues. Not exactly crowning achievements, but achievements all the same. Today staring out into the foggy morning, I ask myself about this next move, “Is this really what I want to do?” But given this particular situation (moving) wasn’t something I choose but something that was forced upon me. I have little choice but to do it. But now I’m a little bit wiser and in a better state of mind. I’m choosing to take advantage of this opportunity and really better my situation. So remember to be grateful for dreams and the benefits they bring. Hold my head up with pride through each of your so-called disappointments. For you never know the blessing you’re going to receive. You may be able to see through the fog, but there’s always hope on the other side.
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