Open The Curtains

Disillusioned? Maybe a little. But no more than I usually am when attacks come to my mind. For the most part I am a pretty stable guy, but every so often like a King Tide, the water gets a little high. So I find myself having bad, inescapable dreams that are hard to shake off. My bride who I once believed was totally oblivious to what was happening, I think she knows. So she keeps her distance. Despite my best efforts I went ahead and got up, made the bed, and took a hot shower. Then despite the Fall heat, I opened the curtains.

 It’s a bit melancholy to know what’s going on and still not being able to do nothing about it. It’s just that maybe the skies haven’t aligned your way, or maybe you just haven’t prayed enough. Or maybe haven’t had the church put on hands hard enough? Well over the decades I’ve tried all three and I still have to put up with this. Oh well, I suppose it’s my destiny. But not allowing myself to get too buried in the weeds, I’ve been on this ride way too many times. So eventually it stops, and I become the obnoxious asshole you all know and love. But right now I’m just taking my time to write all this down, where maybe someone else can find comfort.

In closing, while some bad version of CSI plays through the walls. I slowly pull off my shades to say in a whispered voice, “I don’t know what he’s saying, he mumbles too much”. So slow down and breathe, back away for a moment. Talk to a trusted friend. Someone that doesn’t judge but instead understands. Then with time, training, and hopefully some experience you’ll be able to walk away. If not, stay away from the triggers that can make you fall. Lord knows we have enough casualties on the streets. Enough children crying over tombstones. I may be a bit melodramatic, but what’s melodramatic about losing yourself.