Peace & Calm

As the morning tries to break away of the fog and the clouds outside. I had another failed attempt at sleeping through the night. But I have no one to blame but myself for my constant need to hear 24/7 news commentary blaring in my ears. While I know good and damn well the evening is meant for rest. My stubborn refusal to let go of this addictive hold has me in a bind. Pulling me away from the truths I hold dear about living in the here and now. And instead worrying about things that I frankly have no control over.
 
It's sad and pathetic in a way, that I still allow such minor inconveniences to trouble my fragile mind. But yet, I do. So as I sit here, with the windows reluctantly open to let in some fresh air. I can’t help but continue to dwell on the weakness I show over and over again. I guess there are two paths in which I could go forward. One being to continue to beat myself up about it, which I have done most of my life. Or second, I can find the strength and compassion to forgive myself and learn to move on.
 
In this so-called Christian World in-which I am surrounded. The Good Book says to forgive and forget, and that the frailty of men is a given, that requires forgiveness. Yet more and more in-between all the stage lights and “Kumbaya” moments I’ve seen over the years. There is still a Testosterone driven nature that rules with an ever present iron fist. That says, “My way or the highway” or “that weakness must be crushed”. And this isn’t just a male or female thing or even a religious right or leftist scar. It’s all about power and those that want it.
 
We measure success by the number of ants we can destroy or torture, all in the name of God or better yet, ourselves. So how does this all tie into my failures at a good nights sleep? I was taught both to be strong and fierce while conditioned to be gentle and empathetic. So what does that mean? It means the world wants you to have your cake and eat it too. To display the skin of a lamb, while having the heart of a wolf. And while that may seem to make perfect sense to many. It places me in a solitary place of confusion.   
 
Out of the decades of bouncing back and forth between success at all cost, and living as each day flows. The choice of living in the latter has brought me the most peace. For too long my assumed successes only led to continued failure. To completely explain this would take an entire book to tell. So for me, the decision is clear. To live in the relative calm of the here and now is to focus on what I see and what I hear. And at the moment, I don’t hear the noise of the world. Just the quiet murmur of the pulse of the planet moving slowly by, while my mind focuses on what’s important. The peace and calm… of rest.    
 
#PeaceAndCalm #Empathy #Power #Fear #Hate