Rule Makers

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I woke up telling myself, “I’m not going to make up my bed today”. Then about five seconds later I made up the bed. Old habits die hard especially when they are so engrained in your mind at a young age. Like no talking at the table or not wearing a hat inside. These are just a few examples of the crazy little things I grew up with that others might find strange. You would think being a grown ass man, that I could make my own damn rules. But sometimes it’s hard to live above your raisin’ even when the rule makers are long gone.

Tradition often walks hand in hand with superstition. If it was something you were raised doing, you did it to keep from getting punished. Pretty soon after that it usually becomes habit, even if it’s a bad habit. Children are a reflection of their raisin’, both good and bad. If you were raised in a noisy loud house, then you often find yourself living in a noisy house. The same goes for children raised in silence where burying your pain is the norm. I was raised in the latter where problems weren’t discussed and often anger would just explode out of nowhere.

It's been nearly 30 years since my initial mental breakdown and 10 years since my physical breakdown. If nothing else I’ve taught myself to slow down. To truly examine the parts of me that caused my breakdowns. And what I’ve come up with so far is that I need to be honest and forgiving of myself. Don’t get me wrong I still have many bad habits and personality flaws to overcome. But at least I find it easier to spot them. So I guess if there’s a lesson in all this gibber gabber it would be. Take a good honest look at yourself. If something doesn’t feel right, than usually it isn’t right. Forgive yourself as well as forgive others, Lord knows my upbringing wasn’t perfect. But at least I can make a bed.