Shaking

I do not feel good and for the second day in a row our internet is out. Which means I have to hear my lovely wife and handsome son bleed their contempt through the walls once again. I can’t help it after 38/35 years respectively, my tolerance level for complaints is null. So to hear them whine and  complain loud enough to penetrate fire walls and locked doors, can you at least understand my situation? I don’t like whining and complaining myself (my two daughters would whole heartily disagree). But the feeling running through my skin at 8:52 in the morning, literally has me shaking.

I say these things first to save my sanity, second to keep from dying quite frankly. And while many of you (including my family) think I’m being overly dramatic. “I had no shoes and complained, till I met a man who had no feet.” Even the most even tempered person can be pulled over the edge. And while the edge can mean different things to different people, it’s the edge all the same. For me it comes in the form of mental and physical issues. Such as panic attacks, explosive temper, verbal abuse, difficulty making decisions, irrational thinking, stomach issues, AFib, and my favorite digestive issues.

Like I said, my tolerance level is pretty much null, so I keep myself in a cocoon of isolation. What’s sad is I was a pretty outgoing person in my youth, but the years have taken their toll. And while I don’t really blame my wife or son for any of this, through my mindfulness practice and my writing. I understand it was a combination of several factors that brought this on. So I write this to say, don’t just sweep your discomfort under the rug. Eventually that lump will get so big, it will eventually trip you up. So find whatever “constructive” relief you can. Rather it’s SSRI medication, cognitive therapy, group therapy, mindfulness practice, or prayer. Do something positive and don’t live in pain.