Still Hurts

I made a bold confession to my dearest friend recently. A confession that still hurts to think about to this day. It’s a thought the cuts deep if I think about it too long. Most of my adult life has been dedicated to my family. You know what I mean, making sacrifices and doing what needs to be done. But often times such things are overlooked by some. It’s not that they verbally tell you your no good to your face. But you can often feel it, like a nagging thought stuck in the back of your head.

As I think about it now my thoughts shift from that gnawing feeling I felt when I first texted my friend about it. To those age old feeling I felt when growing up. Never feeling like I was good enough, no matter how charming or quick witted I thought I was. I guess those around me were looking for results not metaphors or inspiration. I watched so many friends and enemies succeed around me. Building stable lives around themselves, putting their backs to the grindstone and achieving their material dreams. All that was happening while I was struggling just to scampered through life struggling to put food on my families table.

It’s ironic since I started writing this a heavy thunderstorm has started raging outside. The claps of thunder and heavy rain remind me of the inner turmoil I often feel. Sitting here hoping the power doesn’t go out. The struggling part of my brain tells me, “This is just par for the course when it comes to you”. It’s those hidden thoughts that come out of nowhere, that either save you or cause you utter destruction. Either way you have to listen to your emotions in order to free yourself from such negativity. By examining your heart and compassionately listening, you can then embrace that pain and begin to heal. Listen after decades of trying, I still find places in my soul that need love and forgiveness. And I realize that I still has a long ways to go. But you know what? That’s okay, because the progress I’ve made keeps driving me on.