Once again under the shade of the old fig bush the gnats and mosquitoes nipping at every exposed part of my skin. Earlier I video chatted with my best friend. When you move away from home seldom do you see old friends, especially when most of your family has passed. There’s a certain isolation you feel even when the past wasn’t so beautiful. The familiar along with the aging of time often bring a certain nostalgia, even in the most tragic of times. I’ve been feeling that nostalgia a lot lately considering my kids are now grown with families of their own.
So you look to new friends. But considering who I am and the times in which we live, friends are like trying to pick figs out of the top of this bush. It can be done, but you end up fighting gravity and wildlife to do it. So as I have said more than once, “I’m a stranger in a strange land”. And although my children have blended in well as well as my wife. I find it very difficult “blending in” with the culture I’m surrounded by. Not to insult this community, they have been good to us, like I said it’s more me than them.
But I do have a few surviving friends back home who remember the smartass awkward kid from Tompkins High. Or the faithful servant of God from down at the river. But I now am who I am, after decades of struggling trying to discover myself. I’m no longer that awkward kid or that good and faithful servant. I’m wiser, smarter, more creative, and a hell of a lot happier in my skin. I no longer feel the need to hide behind a mask or to keep my truth a secret. Hopefully you are working yourself to that same point where you don’t have to hide. Be yourself, be at peace, and show compassion and empathy where you can.
So you look to new friends. But considering who I am and the times in which we live, friends are like trying to pick figs out of the top of this bush. It can be done, but you end up fighting gravity and wildlife to do it. So as I have said more than once, “I’m a stranger in a strange land”. And although my children have blended in well as well as my wife. I find it very difficult “blending in” with the culture I’m surrounded by. Not to insult this community, they have been good to us, like I said it’s more me than them.
But I do have a few surviving friends back home who remember the smartass awkward kid from Tompkins High. Or the faithful servant of God from down at the river. But I now am who I am, after decades of struggling trying to discover myself. I’m no longer that awkward kid or that good and faithful servant. I’m wiser, smarter, more creative, and a hell of a lot happier in my skin. I no longer feel the need to hide behind a mask or to keep my truth a secret. Hopefully you are working yourself to that same point where you don’t have to hide. Be yourself, be at peace, and show compassion and empathy where you can.
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