This is Me

FD Thornton 2017

Some 30 years ago I moved my family from a dingy trailer park just behind Mamme’s Kitchen just off Highway 17 in Savannah, GA. To an even dingier tenant house in Tarrytown, GA some 125 miles away. The move was a leap of faith, a desire to get myself and my family out of Chatham County. It seemed after my first disastrous marriage in the early 1980’s and my blessed second marriage to my current wife. My luck, my options needed to change. After my mom’s second marriage, I felt no obligation to care for her. Then I was having a crisis of faith feeling I needed to do more. So I took it upon myself to move my family near my Grandma and my mom’s family in Treutlen County.

At first my intention was to better me and my families situation. But soon I got caught up in the necessities of life, paying rent and feeding the family. So I took a job working security at a shirt factory, then joining the Department of Corrections as a CO. Things were looking pretty good, we were planning to buy a trailer in a new subdivision, but then the collapse happened. That’s when my well documented mental breakdown began. So for the next 20 years I battled chronic depression, anxiety, and PTSD. All stemming from issues I never resolved from my youth and self-worth. Since then I’ve developed a whole new set of problems with my health. So for the last 10 years, I devoted my life to finding my true self and doing my best to live in peace. 

I guess what got me thinking about this was looking at FB and noticing the lives of some of my classmates from High School. It seems that many of them still live in Chatham County, all living what seems to be successful lives. At one time that would have made me jealous. But now I’m pretty much over it. Through my mindfulness practice and my semi-Buddhist lifestyle, I’ve gotten over most of that baggage. Now I can give you a lesson on how to overcome all the anxieties in your life. But the best advice I think I can give is, look at you journey with honesty. Through non-judgement take a look at yourself and listen to the pain, then learn to forgive. Life is so much more than just your successes. It’s your downs and the lessons you should allow yourself to learn.