Through the Glare

FD Thornton

With the glare from the morning sun my eyes are having a hard time focusing on the screen. So I’m left squinting and staring through the glare to see on an otherwise perfectly sunny morning. After an anxiety filled weekend, the last two nights have been quite pleasant. Sleeping through both nights with even my usual vivid dreams well beyond memory. Still my days are filled with the same old bad news of dealing with the world around me, including dealing with the world within myself. So with the washer and dyer whirling like a jet engines across the hall, I process the past weeks health updates from the three medical exams I just had.

First there was my usual 3-month check-up with my PCP where I discovered my A1c was still in the mid-fives and that my persist cough wasn’t the flu or Covid. Then there was my annual eye exam where my prescription hasn’t changed much, but my optometrist is a bit concerned with my diabetic retinopathy so he’s sending me in for a consult with an eye surgeon for a relatively simple procedure for it. And finally there is my long awaited visit to my cardiac surgeon for an  implantable cardioverter-defibrillator (ICD). Apparently over the years my heart has grown weaker. So this implant is supposed to keep me from just dropping dead without a fight.  

So as you can see this is where the bulk of my recent anxiety has come from, along with my usual daily trauma like paying bills, transportation, and planning meals. But I do my best to take it all in stride. So I go for my morning walks around the park pacing myself remaining aware of my limits. I keep a good support team of physicians and family around me. Plus I don’t let pride get in my way when it comes to needing help. Far too often our primitive sense of pride and excessive individualism gets in the way of asking for help. Forgetting that humankind is a tribe first and foremost. Depending on individualism too much can often lead to downfall. So don’t be afraid to ask for help, because asking Through the Glare doesn’t make you helpless, it makes you smart.