To Find Me

Apparently a rule of thumb is to not look for trouble where there ain’t none. For years my oldest said I was a hypochondriac, and to a point that may have been true. But I think what they didn’t take into consideration was the fact that I had been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). So for years while muddling through my mental illness, my physical health was always a focus of mine.
 
But to be honest I wasn’t helping the situation, I was a stress eater. I smoked, and I didn’t exercise at all. Carrying around enough internal stress to sink a ship. While I did my best to overcome my mental situation with medication and learning self-love. Physically I was still a wreck. Till eventually all my nightmares came true, when all the self-inflicted cuts eventually took me down. But interestingly enough, in my weakest physical moment, I actually found my greatest strength. Peace.
 
Even now some ten years later, it’s hard to describe, when facing my greatest fear, death. I felt nothing but calm. You could say it was the drugs or the fact that I was being monitored 24/7. But in reality, that wasn’t it. It’s almost like I finally looked over the edge of the cliff and I felt fine.
 
Since then I’ve did my best to be proactive about my health. I quit smoking and tried to start eating better and even exercising a bit. But to be honest, I have been slacking up. While I think my diet has gotten better, I practically stopped walking. Since my digestive health has leveled off, I’ve noticed the pounds packing back on. So to hold myself accountable, I’m going to go back to the trails and start walking again. I need that alone time; I need that relief from the 24/7 stresses of caregiving. I need to continue, to find me.    

#FindYourself #LoveYourself #Fear #MentalHealth #Anxiety