Today & Tomorrow

Impacting every milestone within our existence are the memories we carry with us. The influences, the trauma, and the joys; each of them shape our today’s and tomorrow’s. In my own life I went from an imaginative youth held back by genetics and verbally abusive relationships in my family and in my community. A child of the sixties, from working class Boomer and Silent Generation stock. Emotions were a thing you tamped down and didn’t show. My parents faced the hardships of growing up during the depression and the sacrifice of World War 2. They reaped the benefit of hard work raising a family during the golden age of the middle class in the sixties and early seventies. So there was no room for crying and exploring your “feelings” when living the American Dream.
 
Born in the early sixties, I’m neither a Boomer nor a Gen X’er, I’m hanging out somewhere in-between with traits I inherited from both. Throughout my early years I developed a thick coat of armor to protect me from the insults and abuse I faced as a child. By the time I entered my teens I developed the persona of a jokester and people pleaser. That persona has served me well over the decades, but at the same time, I was also building up a powder keg of emotions that was ready to explode. And in 1999 that explosion occurred, with the aftermath still echoing today. It changed me, I went from happy-go-lucky to someone so trapped in fear, I couldn’t get out of bed. But after decades of medication and cognitive therapy, along with mindfulness training and forgiveness. I believe I have achieved a clearer picture of myself.

So like I said, we are a refection of the experiences we each carry. The primal fear we see on full display today, is nothing but that primal fear and hate in display. I am by no means a perfect example of balance or even minor achievement. I struggle every day with even the most basic of needs. But the point is I fight. Whatever higher power you claim to warship, nothings going to happen until you forgive yourself and those around you. For whatever misery you ever felt in your life. Hardly a day goes by that I don’t get a twinge of guilt pour through my veins for something stupid I have said or done. The disappointments and pain I have caused are really no different than the pain I felt and feel. To open our minds and our hearts to grace, all we need to do is ask forgiveness and seek awareness. For it is awareness that open the heart to greater discover. Today and tomorrow.