Too Stupid to Ask

Ainaz - Handprints

​It’s a cloudy, humid morning and after two days of having the Kia looked at and worked on. I’d hate to say it, but I just want to take a break and sit down, because it’s the cheapest thing I can do. After shuffling doctor appointments around like a deck of cards everything’s pushed to the end of the month. Just like a bad hand. So I sit helplessly (or so I think) not planning out a thing, much to the disappointment of my bride. But such as it is with a life lived in isolation and poverty. Where a vast minority believe they’re the only ones worthy for assistance but are too damn proud to ask.

So I sit here on my “high and mighty” throne, made up of the shit I caused. Yelling back at the fools just like me, never solving a damn thing other than making the rich richer. But I digress to the same bonfire of the vanities that got us all in trouble anyway. Thinking that stuff is the goal, when all along it was really love and peace-of-mind. I carry a troubled mind that would much prefer to smell the flowers of life. Instead of worrying about how do I pay for the privilege. But with responsibility comes greater stress. Where are simple answers are thought too complex for our simple solutions.

So I forcibly have kept my mouth shut. Allowing my brain to run away with the scenarios of failure, just to empty it out. It’s funny how we focus so hard on not allowing ourselves to fail, that we often miss the very answer we’re looking for. That to do or die is not the main motivation. But it’s the fact that we tried that is the goal. Small victories are what brings us the most peace of mind. Not just craving the bigger victories that we see in our heads. But sadly, we often never see things that way, because we are too damn stupid to ask.