Truly Listen

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Between the hostile tension dreams and the pressures of making sure everyone’s okay. I live in a bubble of boredom and repetitive routine. Apparently my only respite from the mundane are my moments in the park and staring at this once blank screen. I’ve put the book project away for a while just to wrap my head around some problems I’m seeing with the printing. Other than that my anxiety about my usual troubles weights heavily on my mind in this paycheck to paycheck world.
 
But listening to a podcast last night discussing the Buddhist philosophy of the four immeasurable minds (love, compassion, joy, and equanimity). By listening to these podcasts and audiobooks as I sleep, my hope has always been that the essence of this material will sink in deeply. But I must honestly say that I’m not completely sure that it works. My research on the idea of soaking in information while you sleep is inconclusive. But in a practical sense, I see myself recalling information I know I didn’t study. So even with all this “soaked” in information, I still find myself overcome by anxious thoughts.

So as I relisten to last night’s podcast while I type. I discover things I recall even though I was apparently sound sleep. Fascinating isn’t it? I guess more than anything the tension I feel is from the lack true communication with anyone willing to listen. So often I just feel like I shouldn’t be writing out any of my personal troubles. With my mind telling me that no one wants to hear about your fear or anxiety . But yet internally I believe it’s the only way to achieve true peace of mind, at least for myself. I guess what I’m saying here is, no matter what faults you see within yourself. That by embracing the pain that you feel, you are giving it a much needed voice. Which in turn acknowledges to that pain that someone is truly listening.