Two Images

These two images are what chronic depression looks like for me. After being diagnosed with it and a slew of other abbreviations back in 1999, this has been my life. So if you can recall seeing me at any event between 1999 and now, then you have seen the face of mental illness. It all started while I was taking fire suppression training at Reidsville State Prison. Yes, that State Prison, “The Longest Yard”. They quickly took me to the infirmary and found…nothing. After negative tests (EKG, X-ray, glucose), they sent me home for three days of rest; I never went back.
 
After spending several weeks and hundreds of Panic Attacks hiding under the covers. I got an appointment at the drug rehab center next to the Dublin, GA VA, to get checked out. Through a little paperwork shuffling they got me started on a treatment program, even though I wasn’t a drug user. The doctors knew I had a mental illness, but back then, you only got help if you were a Nancy Reagan 'scrambled egg' drug addict. So they slipped me and a few other patients through the red tape cracks and got us help.
 
After several years of steady medical and cognitive treatment, I was able to function as the happy-go-lucky citizen you see today. But the journey wasn’t as simple as that, and 27 years later I still deal with those demons. Not very affirmation chanting is it? But it is what it is, and that’s who I am warts and all.
 
The point of all this is to never give up. For those two images you see above, are me on the same day. The panic attacks aren’t as severe, most of the time. But the depression and anxiety still come and often take over. But instead of “wishing” them away, I simply listen to what they say, and love them anyway, because they are a part of me. Not some demon that has invaded my soul. But a learned abused taught to me by people who were and are hurting just as bad as me. So I learned forgiveness, but it doesn’t mean the seeds aren’t still there. I just don’t water them as much. So find your peace.  
 
#TwoImages #ThisIsMe #MentalIllness #DontGiveUp #LoveYourself