Waste & Clutter

“Oh victory in Jesus, my savior forever”. Oh that’s not all, “he brought me and he taught me, with his redeeming love”. That’s what I caught myself humming as I rose out of bed and drawn the curtains this morning. It took me a minute to catch myself, but I could only guess after decades of indoctrination some of that shit just sticks. If you read my previous story, you know I seem to be having that train of religious thought pouring through my head lately. Rather it’s my little sister or my father-in-law or my dearly departed mother doing the meddling in my head, who’s to say. But I hope they enjoy the so-called “conviction” they may believe I am under.
 
I’m sorry that I’m laughing at their expense, Lord knows I love each and everyone of my family. And while we may all live under a different set of beliefs, we ain’t really no different than any other family in the world. As the sun gives way to the grey clouds of another cold front. The wind looks like it’s picking up steam. It better if it’s going to bring those freezing temperatures we’re expecting tonight. But still I sit here as the limbs on the pecan trees twist and sway with a slight bit of anticipation and dread. Knowing that the holiday season is drawing near.
 
So maybe that’s why I have a little jingle in my step. And why the songs of the past pour through my mind. It’s not that my stance on religious dogma has changed. It’s just that maybe as I age maybe I have softened up a bit, but who am I kidding. I just wish all the planning my children put into the season didn’t seem so formalized in stone like a business conference or a shareholders meeting. At least there you can have some cocktails and network. Family events seem to have turned into formal gatherings without the tuxes and tails. Where “clicks” huddle in their corners and polite conversation is directed towards your phone.
 
But then again maybe I’m just an old fuddy duddy that recalls the lively conversations of my youth were awkward hugs and kisses were a normal right of passage. When you knew in your heart, you’d rather be somewhere else. But such as it is in these times, when the adult children received guidance from just one fucked up parent. While the other parent lives in their own world and all the kids see are their limitations as they grew older. Leaving them trapped without any examples of emotion. In this dopamine induced world, pleasure takes precedence above all others. Leaving the words sacrifice and emotion tossed in the dumpster like so much waste and clutter.