Weathering the Storm

For those of us that suffer from a thousand tiny cuts. It’s hard to pin down any one thing that might be causing our pain. All I know is that after a pleasant morning I became ill with an ongoing bout with one of my favorite chronic conditions. Now it’s something that usually goes away on it’s own after a few hours. But tonight, the party doesn’t seem to want to end. Leaving dehydrated and incredibly sore. It’s now 5:14 in the morning, and there’s a tropical storm hanging overhead. So while I would love to go back to sleep, apparently I am not. 
 
The thing about living with chronic ailments, both physical and mental. Are that you never really know which one is the real root cause of the problem. I mean this may have been brought on by something I eat. Or maybe it’s  just a side effect of my “fight or flight” alarm going off due to the weather. For those of us with panic disorder  our amygdala have a mind of its own and often gets stuck in the on position. Fortunately for me I was diagnosed fairly early. So after a few years of trial and error I was prescribed an infamous little pink and blue pill that I still use successfully to this very day. For decades they have kept me and my little almond shaped buddy functioning. But of course it could have been something I eat?
 
Either way, I have to keep my wits about me and go through the process of figuring this thing out. When I get a pain or discomfort, usually it’s pretty obvious the cause. But there are times when there’s a little head scratching going on. This is especially true when the symptoms could be brought on by fear. My panic has used nearly every part of my body to get my attention. In fact it’s panic that is at the very core of my heart trouble, which in turn is attached to nearly every other condition I have. But despite whatever physical problems I’ve faced, it’s been mindfulness and awareness that has brought me through.
 
Now by no means do I chant mantras all day to ward off evil spirits. But I do my best to remain aware. To be aware of my surroundings, aware of what my physical body is saying, and aware of where my emotions are at. By listening to the pain and turning off the internal noise, I am usually able to tap into whatever fear or pain I’m having at the moment. But this awareness only comes through practice and having the willingness to hear and not to judge. For judging is what your mind does when it wants answers. But often answers aren’t what you need…just patience, peace, and love.