The twists and turns of mental health, complicated by physical limitations. Can cloud ones thinking, elevate already high stress levels, and frankly cripple your soul. Years of self-abuse, as well as, abuse at the hands of my peers. Took a heart and mind more than capable of doing the job and break them into a thousand tiny pieces.
In the quiet and reasonable calm of the night, I listen to what my soul is telling me. That things are not okay. That beneath this veneer of calm lies a terrorized child, afraid of living through the stresses of the day. I am afraid and it shows, in my actions, my speech, and in my isolation.
There are no easy answers to any of this. I’ve spent the better part of 20 years meandering between medication, therapy, and enlightenment to solve this riddle. But through these moments of struggle and literal pain, at least I’m trying. That in itself can be a comforting fact. So as you, I, and millions of others move through this life broken and hidden. The least we can do is try.