It’s hard to be in the moment, when your whole life has been spent counting days. Always looking towards the horizon, waiting for the moment when everything’s going to be okay. I got some more bad news in the mail Friday. Not that I wasn’t expecting it, but still it’s like a gut punch. Even after jumping through all the right hoops, it just made me just want to give up. But there’s still a tiny breath of life left in me that won’t let me give up.
Over the last few years I’ve tried my best to “be in the moment”. But like everyone else that has obligations, it’s hard to not think about tomorrow. So I use my writing to focus my attention on where it needs to be. To give myself a little peace, for the moment. Pulling my mind away from those things that want to drag me down.
I suppose this is the part of the story where I give some lesson on being in the moment. But as you probably know this is a no bullshit zone. Hey, I’m only human and I bleed like the rest of y’all, maybe a little bit more. What I’m trying to say is, I’ve been there, hell I am here.
Laying here in this out of control heat, I can’t help but worry. Worry about the bills, the medical payments, my wife, my son. To walk around and not worry seems a little ridiculous. I suppose that’s where focus and determination come into play. To calm the mind is to focus and listen. To not ignore the worry, but move forward and face it. Because every journey begins with a step. So instead of counting days, maybe I need to listen and move on.