You ever get in one of those moods, were you don’t want to be particularly friendly to anyone? Believe it or not that’s been me for the last few days. It’s like I’m speaking to people out of obligation and not because I want too. To a lot of you my attitude maybe quite understandable. But for a needy yak, yak like myself; it can seem a bit awkward. I guess I just have one of those weird personalities that thrives on conversation. But given the world we live in today; I suppose I’m the exception and not the rule.
My life generally revolves around just a few people, in the public sphere. The majority of people I know are through online experience, and in a way, that’s kinda sad. I can’t speak for the rest of the world, but through my façade of Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky, I isolate myself because due to my past I can be a jackass. Just ask my kids. My oldest reminded me yesterday that I seem to be a different person in public than at home. And to be honest, I don’t have a good answer as to why?
Maybe I shouldn’t let shit like that bother me, but it does. Through my mindfulness practice I’m trying to be a better person, I want to be more grounded and genuine. I don’t like being domineering or bullish. I never thought of myself as an Alpha Male, but then again it could simply be one of the many masks I wear. Living my life honestly has been my savior. It has given me the freedom to face my demons and my sins. But to be human we must learn to forgive. Without that then are all truly lose.